Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
