What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
