if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
