Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
