Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
