well I can't set my house on fire every night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
