idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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