she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
