I wish i was in the wii world.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
