You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
