i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
