i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
