You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
