it glows. i had to have it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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