Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
