i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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