I think my fart just growled at me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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