I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
