i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
