Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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