Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
