we have officially lost it.
no, he came in my armpit
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
soo... how was my night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
