your parents love me but you hate me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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