you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
