I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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