thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
