I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
