Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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