doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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