she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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