you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
