Operation Purity has been aborted
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
