Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
