I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
