I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Let's get the cat blown out
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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