I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
