You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
