I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
