We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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