I think this baby is eyeing my beer
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
