I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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