If i come over, it means nothing
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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