Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
