is your mom at the bar?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
