My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
