He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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