were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
