i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
