God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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