Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
