This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
