I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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