I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
