Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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