I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
