This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
