Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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