Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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