I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How does one acquire holy water?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
