I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
