my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
