Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
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Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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