Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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