He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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