Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
