he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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