OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
