Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
